Baby, it’s cold outside. And in.

Back in late December and early January, when we had a stretch of warm weather including a few 70 degree days, I had a great sense of unease about the world’s fate. It was like, every time I opened the front door and the warm breeze hit me, I could actually see the four horsemen of the apocalypse bearing down. In the blooming forsythia, I saw our planet’s impending doom.

Now I feel better because Washington has been in the grip of winter weather such as we have not seen in many years. I honestly can’t remember it being this cold for this long in the almost 20 years I have lived here. Of course, this unusually cold weather is part of the same phenomenon that resulted in the unusually warm weather in December and in the ungodly hot weather we had last summer (that would be Global Warming, for anyone who has been living under a rock, or in the White House), but somehow this FEELS better. Spring weather properly belongs in spring. Each to his own place, as the Great Gray Bridge would say.

I also have to admit that I like the cold (although I don't like the wind). I was raised in New England; winters are supposed to be cold. I find it bracing. It makes me feel strong. Hardy.

As the weather has gotten increasingly bitter, and stayed bitter, I have given up on any pretense of fashion. I know many will say that I, a Washingtonian, likely had little style to begin with, and that may be true. But whatever style I had has been tossed like so much jetsam. My stylish coat has been relegated to the back of the hall closet, and instead I’ve been wearing my Lands’ End parka in a lovely bright mulberry. Also large, thick, gray polartec gloves (I wish they were mittens). When it’s below 20 degrees in the morning, I wear long johns under my pants, because without them my walk to work is really unpleasant. (That walk includes the stretch of Massachusetts Avenue extending west from Union Station, and I swear it is the coldest, windiest spot in DC. It should have been called Alaska Avenue.) I have even, on a few mornings, snapped the hood onto my parka and huddled under it. I don't like doing this because my hair, although very curly, is extremely fine and doesn't adapt well to head coverings. It goes completely, hideously flat under hats. Like Rashida Jones’s hair on The Office. Apparently, she thinks that flat, slicked-to-the-head look is attractive. I, however, do not. Except for when skiing, I haven’t willingly worn a hat since I was 11.

The other side effect of extreme cold is that our house is like the Antarctic on the first floor and the Sahara on the second. This is partly because our double front door is deteriorating, lacks proper weather-stripping, and has a mail slot in it. Once a few years ago I went to Home Depot looking for a new mail slot—I thought surely someone would have made a better mail slot by now—and when I explained my predicament to a sales associate (“there must be some way to block the draft”), he looked at me very seriously and said, “You know, really, it’s like having a hole in your door.” Buddy, it IS a hole in my door. When it’s very cold, we stuff a hand towel in the mail slot, but I don’t know that it helps much.

Another problem is that our intake vent is in the upstairs hall, which means that all the warm air on the first floor is sucked up the stairs. It’s really quite frustrating, especially in the early evening when we are putting the kids to bed. It takes several hours for the downstairs (where the thermostat is) to warm up to 68 degrees (I set the thermostat at 55 when we aren’t home during the day), and in the meantime, the upstairs temperature rises to about 80. We eat dinner in turtlenecks and polartec jackets and then strip down to t-shirts when we go upstairs. Then, when the kids are asleep, P and I bundle back up for the trip to the Antarctic and once there, we huddle on the couch under a down comforter. I’m not looking forward to this month’s gas bill.

We have put off replacing the front door because it isn’t a stock size and will need to be custom built (and to historical standards since we are in the historic district), so it will cost a small fortune. But I think we are going to have to bite the bullet. Instead of a European vacation, this summer we’ll get a new front door! Good times.

Christmas in the City

Gradually over the last fifteen years or so, Washington, DC has become a southern city. We’ve gotten much less snow in the last few years than we did when I first moved here, and winters in general seem more mild. I sometimes think longingly of the big storm we had 10 years ago, which shut down the federal government for days. It’s hard to believe we could have such a storm now, when December temperatures are averaging near 50 degrees. Except, inexplicably, for residents of the White House, climate change seems like a reality.

On Christmas Eve, the weather was sunny and bright, with temperatures in the low 50s. I thought the day would be relaxing, but instead we ran around all day like chickens with our heads cut off. In the afternoon, I went out for a brisk walk. I went to my favorite bagel place, Bagels & Baguettes, to get bagels for Christmas brunch, but it was closed for the holiday. Then I went to Schneider’s to get a bottle of wine to bring to some acquaintances who had invited us for a Christmas eve supper. (I realized when I got home that I had purchased a bottle called “the Ball Buster,” which I could hardly present as a hostess gift to someone I don’t know very well, so I had to go out and buy another wine later in the day.) From there, I walked to Eastern Market, where I bought a lovely centerpiece of greens, pine cones, and candles, and a large bouquet of greens, holly, and eucalyptus. By this time I was glad I hadn’t been able to buy bagels, since I was quite weighted down. I returned home, dropped off my purchases, and then went straight back out to CVS to buy gum and M&Ms for the boys’ stockings.

Although the weather didn’t feel like Christmas, the day felt special. There was little traffic, so the streets were quiet; everyone seemed in a jolly mood; houses looked so pretty in their holiday decorations. In spite of the weather, which is just too warm for my taste, it was a reminder of why I like living here so much, in this small town in the big city.

Crazy from the Heat

So summer is in high gear in DC, and you know what that means: tourists are lumbering, red-faced and sweating, through the nation’s capital. And as I walked through Union Station today, on my way to work, I noticed a veritable epidemic of bad boobage. Does no one check themselves out in the mirror before leaving the privacy of home? Are women incapable of purchasing properly fitting support garments?

Maybe in this heat people are just letting it all hang out. When I was a kid in Massachusetts, WBCN's morning DJ, Charles Laquidera, used to call a day like this a "No Underwear Day." I'm wearing a thong, so I'm only half-following his advice. But rest assured, I've got my Body by Victoria bra on, so my boobage is fully covered.

At 2:18, the current temperature in downtown Washington is: 97 degrees. The weatherman says we'll hit 100. Tomorrow, more of the same, with the so-called "heat index" hitting 115. On days like these, I actually have to remind myself on the walk home that it's not a good idea to strip off one's clothes on Massachusetts Avenue. (Note to self: Keep clothes ON.) Maybe tomorrow I'll take Laquidera's advice and go commando. But I'll be wearing the bra.